Life Management Skills - is it possible to have a life and be a leader?

Life Management Skills – is it possible to have a life and be a leader?
You know, Jane and Bob work so hard that they wonder
sometimes if they even have a life, if their life is in
balance. Maybe there is no such thing as balance (and Jane
and Bob heave a big sigh of relief – one less thing to
strive for). If there is balance, it's right there in the
moment because life changes in the next nanosecond, and
everything gets all out of whack again. Balance is more of
a way of life, not a result one tries to achieve.

Balance means whatever feels right to us in the moment. If
we listen to ourselves (and our bodies), we know when
things are "off." This "off" feeling is the clue that
something is out of balance, out of whack, for us right
then. It doesn't mean that two months from now a similar
situation would make us feel the same way.

What causes us to be "off"?

Often not being clear about our priorities and values is
the root cause of being out of balance. If Jane and Bob
have a bunch of shoulds in their life ("I should get home
to have dinner with my family." "I should respond to the
client in the same day." "I should move up the corporate
ladder."), then they are driven by the shoulds and thrown
off balance. Those shoulds make you forget or lose sight
of your priorities and values. If they kept their
priorities and values in mind more, then it would be easier
to achieve balance – those shoulds wouldn't be so important.

Once you are clear about your values and priorities, then
your actions need to match those values and priorities. If
moving up the corporate ladder is a priority for Jane (and
whatever value it satisfies for her), then she will do
whatever is necessary to make sure that it happens. More
than likely, this means she'll be working lots more and
having less family time.

The second piece that causes one to be out of balance is
expectations and lack of communication. With Jane's
priority of moving up the corporate ladder, working long
hours (at the expense of spending more time with her
family) isn't a problem unless Jane (or her spouse) thinks
it is. It's also not a problem unless Jane hasn't had the
conversation with her spouse about what moving up the
corporate ladder is going to mean – and get his acceptance
of the situation. Note: acceptance doesn't mean that the
other person buys in and likes the situation. It just
means he or she has acknowledged that this is important and
will support you in what you need to do to get there.

Believing you can achieve balance is another cause of being
out balance. Striving to hit some arbitrary level causes
stress, frustration, and dissatisfaction. Accepting that
at times you'll have more time for yourself, friends, and
family and at other times you won't makes it easier to go
with the flow. Balance isn't an everyday thing. It's not
a place to arrive; it's a mental state, a psychic state,
and a metaphysical state.

How does knowing this help?

First, Jane and Bob must make sure that they are clear
about their core values and priorities. Until they are,
they can't share them with others in their lives.

Next, they need to communicate to others around them what
they need from those folks and their intentions.

Ask questions. Often we feel too one-sided, not because of
what we actually feel, but because we assume we know how
others around us feel, and we are reacting to that ("I know
Sally will be mad that I'm home late again…."). Ask; don't
assume you know what they think or feel. This is true both
personally and professionally.

What else do I need to know?

Lack of balance, that quality of being "off," often
revolves around time management skills, client management
skills, communication skills, and/or boundary skills. All
these can be taught.

Some final thoughts from Jane and Bob….

Forget about trying to achieve the mythical work/life
balance. Identify your priorities and make sure they align
with the other people in your life who are important. Once
this is done, the stress and frustration of trying to
achieve work/life balance will disappear.

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Linda Finkle, CEO of INCEDO GROUP, works with innovative
leaders around the world who understand that business needs
a new organizational growth style. These innovative leaders
know that powerful cross-functional communication is the
highest priority and the strongest strategy for building
organizational effectiveness. To find out more, visit:
http://www.IncedoGroup.com